People Pleasing Case Study: Finding Her Voice and Self-Worth
This client story is based on real therapeutic work. Identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
When “Clara” first came to work with me, she was trying to find herself after years of putting other people first. She had been in a long-term marriage marked by infidelity and emotional and physical abuse. On her intake form, she identified shame, low self-esteem, people pleasing and self-criticism as significant parts of what she was experiencing. She rated the impact of the problem on her life at 9 out of 10.
Clara had spent years giving more opportunities, accepting more hurt and placing the needs of others above her own. By the time she reached out to me, the way she had been treated had affected how she saw herself and what she believed she was entitled to expect from her relationships. She wanted to rebuild her confidence, self-esteem and self-love. She wanted to trust her decisions, put herself first without guilt and believe that she deserved relationships built on kindness, honesty and respect.
As we began working together, it became clear that Clara did not simply need to “be more confident.” She had become accustomed to silencing herself and giving from a place of fear rather than genuine choice.
She Had Learned to Put Herself Second
People pleasing is often mistaken for kindness, but there is a difference between choosing to care for someone and repeatedly abandoning your own needs because you are afraid of what might happen if you do not. For Clara, saying no could trigger guilt. Prioritising her wellbeing could feel selfish, while speaking honestly about what she needed risked conflict, disapproval or rejection.
Our initial therapeutic work explored the beliefs and emotional patterns that had kept her giving opportunities to people who continued to hurt her. We examined why she found it difficult to place herself on equal footing with everyone else and why her value had become connected to how much she tolerated, carried or gave. The aim was not to turn Clara into someone who cared less. It was to help her recognise that caring for other people did not require her to disappear from her own life.
We worked on strengthening her self-worth, rebuilding trust in her decisions and helping her experience boundaries as expressions of self-respect rather than acts of rejection.
The First Changes Appeared in Her Choices
Twenty-eight days after our first session, Clara was already beginning to make different choices. She was reducing the amount of work she automatically took on and creating more room for herself. She was also beginning to say no and, importantly, she could do so while still feeling good about herself.
Her follow-up measures reflected the change. Her self-love increased from approximately 4 or 5 out of 10 to 9, while her self-worth reached 9 or 10. Her ability to prioritise herself and take action increased from 4 to 9 or 10. Her people pleasing, which she had rated at 9 or 10, reduced to approximately 3 or 4. Her negative self-talk fell from 7 out of 10 to 1.
Clara was not only saying that she felt different. The change was becoming visible in how she treated herself, what she allowed herself to do and what she was willing to accept. As her self-worth strengthened, another area of her life came into focus. Clara wanted to change the way she communicated with her daughters.
Reclaiming Her Voice Revealed the Next Layer
Clara recognised that when she felt frustrated or believed she was not being heard, she could raise her voice or respond more forcefully than she wanted to. At times, her daughters would ask, “Are you mad at me?” when what Clara was trying to communicate was, “I am upset, and I need you to listen to what I am saying.”
The answer was not for Clara to silence herself again. She had already spent too much of her life doing that. The next stage of our work involved helping her express herself clearly and authentically without feeling that she had to fight to be heard. We explored what happened inside her during tense conversations. When she felt ignored or misunderstood, frustration could take over before she had time to choose how she wanted to respond.
Our next hypnotherapy session focused on helping Clara pause, regulate her reaction and communicate with greater calm and clarity. She could listen, choose her words thoughtfully and express what she felt without needing to raise her voice or force the other person to agree. This was not about making her quieter or more compliant. It was about helping her recognise that her voice still carried value when it was calm.
Her Daughters Noticed the Difference
By her next follow-up, Clara could see the change happening in real conversations. She was more able to pause, lower her voice and think about what she wanted to say before speaking. The immediate reaction that had previously taken over was no longer as powerful. Her daughters noticed the difference too. As Clara responded differently, they began responding differently in return. Conversations became less reactive and more open.
Clara could express what mattered to her while creating enough space to hear what her daughters were trying to communicate. She was becoming the communicator she wanted to be: calm, authentic, empathetic and clear. The communication did not improve because Clara stopped having needs or emotions. It improved because she learned to honour those needs and emotions without allowing frustration to speak for her.
From Silencing Herself to Speaking With Self-Trust
At first, Clara’s people pleasing and communication difficulties appeared to be separate concerns. Through our work, they became connected by the same underlying struggle: whether her needs and voice were allowed to matter. The first stage of our work helped Clara recognise her value and begin choosing herself. The next helped her communicate that value calmly and clearly within her relationships.
My approach combines Rapid Transformational Therapy®, clinical hypnotherapy, conversational hypnosis and Somatic Trauma-Informed Coaching techniques. I adapt the therapeutic process to the individual client and what emerges through our work rather than assuming that one session or one standard intervention will address every layer.
By the end of our work, Clara was saying no with less guilt, prioritising herself more confidently and speaking to herself with greater kindness. She was also responding more calmly and creating a different emotional experience within her relationship with her daughters. She had not lost her voice. She had learned that she no longer needed to raise it for it to matter.
Looking for Support With Self-Worth and People Pleasing?
I am Julie Chal, a Rapid Transformational Therapist, anxiety specialist and Clinical Hypnotherapist based in Perth, Australia. I work with clients in Perth and online across Australia and internationally.
If people pleasing, low self-worth or difficulty setting boundaries has left you feeling unheard, depleted or disconnected from yourself, my Tranceform Anxiety to Thrive program is designed to explore the deeper patterns contributing to how you feel and respond.
The first step is a 50-minute Consultation Call, where we explore what you are experiencing, what may be contributing to it and whether my approach is appropriate for you.
This story reflects one client’s individual experience. Outcomes and timeframes vary according to each person and their circumstances.